I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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