i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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