We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
