...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
