I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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