Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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