he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
