swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize