All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
