Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
