There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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