Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
