Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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