I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
