I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
