OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize