Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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