My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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