How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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