I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
