a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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