You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
