i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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