dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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