I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
