marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
