Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
