Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
