he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize