i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
