I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
