Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
