Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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