I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm both gender and math confused
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
