I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
