i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
