Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
