Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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