college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize