he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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