I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
