This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize