Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
