I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So much rum. So many feels.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
