last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
