the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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