i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
