Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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