Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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