i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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