I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You took a bar mat shot.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
