is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think i scared a bird with my dick
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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