Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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