Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He passed out mid-signature
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
