We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
