this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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