That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Damn victory sex feels great
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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