Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
