OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
