if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
