Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
