yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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