a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
