Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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