Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
