I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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