After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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