I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
