shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
