ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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