Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Randomize
