she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
