Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
