Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize