You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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