he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
