I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
