beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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