I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
