If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
