They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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