A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
