I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just google imaged poop.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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