chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
