"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
