I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
