goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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